Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
