He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
