I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
