im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
