I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
