2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
