yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
can u get pink eye on your cock?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
