You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
