He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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