they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
