I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
