just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
