Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
