I will die if light touches me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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