bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
