hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
