I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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