Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
