You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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