he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
