Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
