I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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