we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
