Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Don't make out with my wife yet
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
