trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
