If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
