guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
