Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
