how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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