How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
