all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
