Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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