Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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