he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dear god my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
