He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
