Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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