you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
