He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
