I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
