I think I am morally bankrupt
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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