direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
