help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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