Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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