is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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