Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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