Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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