You're my little dorito
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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