Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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