its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
