your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
