I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
