You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
