just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
